Self Love


When Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was He said that we should love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and we should love our neighbour as ourselves (Mark 12:30). Sadly, some people have a difficult time loving others because they don't like themselves. People of all races suffer from self hate but as this blog is dedicated to encouraging people of African descent to embrace themselves and each other, this post is focused on self hate amongst black people.

I'm friends with a brown skinned man who told me that he had a preference for mixed raced women because he liked their light skin and loosely curled hair. I was pleasantly surprised when he went on to marry a beautiful dark skinned woman with afro textured hair. His wife and I had a discussion about colorism and she told me that she was teased for her dark skinned complexion when she was a child. She informed me that she didn't let the teasing get her down because her father always told her how beautiful she was. She is a very confident lady and I believe it has a lot to do with the way that she was raised. Her self-confidence is extremely attractive which is probably why my friend forgot about his preference for light skinned mixed race women when he met her.

It's important for black fathers to build up their daughter's self esteem to prevent them from looking for affirmation in the wrong places. The same is true for mother's and their sons. Mother's definitely need to praise their daughter's beauty and father's should do the same with their son's, however, positive affirmations about physical characteristics are more effective coming from parents of the opposite sex. If a parent is absent from the home the parent who is raising the child can look for an honorary uncle or aunt who can help to build up the child's self esteem. 


I recently had the misfortune of coming across some vile tweets by a Twitter user by the name of Darrell Lackey who describes himself as a 'proud colorist'. His Twitter account was clearly created to troll dark skinned females because his Twitter feed is filled with negative and hateful comments towards us. Darrell claims that dark skinned females are jealous of light skinned females but this isn't something that I observed growing up in London. In my experience, dark skinned females were normally friendly towards light skinned females and they gave biracial females a sense of belonging by welcoming them into the 'black crowd'. I did observe a few dark skinned females coveting loosely curled hair but not light skin. Furthermore, I've observed light skinned females with afro textured hair coveting looser curls as well. The fact is, some black people don't know how to manage afro textured hair so they desire a curl pattern which is easier for them to manage. Seven years ago I published a bookazine which was dedicated to teaching people how to effectively manage, maintain and style afro textured hair and I'm currently working on the second edition.


Many dark skinned men who make disparaging remarks about dark skinned women claim to have been teased about their dark skinned complexions by dark skinned girls at school. Instead of getting therapy for their childhood trauma they become extremely hateful individuals spewing their venom on social media. It's true that children can be cruel but we have to remember that their brains aren't fully developed so some of them lack compassion and empathy. It's absolutely absurd to judge a race of women by the action of a few insecure school bullies. Hurt people hurt other people so if a child is being a bully it's likely that they have emotional issues which need to be sorted out. As parents it's our job to ensure that our children are filled with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. If the next generation of children have these qualities there will be a lot less self-hate and bitterness. 

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